I'm back!
Hi y'all. So I haven't been blogging at all lately not only because blogging itself is pretty stupid, but also because my life has been a nut house since I've stepped onto this continent. This may haunt me in the future, as I have a habit of being perhaps too honest while blogging, but I don't understand how the Amsterdammers can live with themselves. Everything is just so horribly disorganized, there is no communication between organizations and agencies, and the pace of life is in fact very slow. Too slow. Any appearance of an active, productive, society, is mere artifice. The Netherlands is not a great country.
... mind you, all of this is relative to me and my own needs. I'm not saying that the country sucks, I'm just saying it sucks for ME. It is impossible for me to get anything done here. I need more structure. I am also fairly disappointed with how conservative this villiage actually is. Sure, at night, you can fill your senses with all sorts of unmentionable surprises, but the daily living sucks the life out of you.
You can stop reading if you want because I'm really just talking to myself at this point. I have learned a lot about myself in the last few months. I've compiled a list:
1) I am more fragile than I would have thought.
2) While not a typical American, I am definitely not a European, nor do I want to be anymore.
3) I actually miss the USA - not in the homesick nostalgic way, but in the I-can-actually-function-like-a-real-human-being-in-America-and-not-in-the-Netherlands kind of way.
4) I will always find reasons to be miserable.
5) I never should have dropped double degree.
6) I'm learning what a terribly self-centered and useless person I've become.
7) I'm sick of the mental masturbation that is required of being a classical musician.
8) My dark and cynical way of looking at the world is finally catching up to me, and I don't like it.
9) Ignorance is bliss... total bliss. And I am understanding this more and more everyday, and its truth is frightening me.
10) I feel like I'm going through another early-teens phase. Totally pathetic.
Ok... well that's it for now.
... mind you, all of this is relative to me and my own needs. I'm not saying that the country sucks, I'm just saying it sucks for ME. It is impossible for me to get anything done here. I need more structure. I am also fairly disappointed with how conservative this villiage actually is. Sure, at night, you can fill your senses with all sorts of unmentionable surprises, but the daily living sucks the life out of you.
You can stop reading if you want because I'm really just talking to myself at this point. I have learned a lot about myself in the last few months. I've compiled a list:
1) I am more fragile than I would have thought.
2) While not a typical American, I am definitely not a European, nor do I want to be anymore.
3) I actually miss the USA - not in the homesick nostalgic way, but in the I-can-actually-function-like-a-real-human-being-in-America-and-not-in-the-Netherlands kind of way.
4) I will always find reasons to be miserable.
5) I never should have dropped double degree.
6) I'm learning what a terribly self-centered and useless person I've become.
7) I'm sick of the mental masturbation that is required of being a classical musician.
8) My dark and cynical way of looking at the world is finally catching up to me, and I don't like it.
9) Ignorance is bliss... total bliss. And I am understanding this more and more everyday, and its truth is frightening me.
10) I feel like I'm going through another early-teens phase. Totally pathetic.
Ok... well that's it for now.
posted by Brndn at 4:59 AM
1 Comments:
Your list describes EXACTLY what i've learned about myself since coming to India. word.
love ami
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