Things I think are stupid #1
I've now realized there are so many things at which I am so absolutely peeved that I'm going to start a series of entries that illustrate those very things. Not only will this make me feel better about myself as a human being, but hopefully among the many millions of fans who visit this site every day (note the number 2,500 at the bottom of this page... that's the number of total visitors in the thousands... I swear) there may be at least a small handful who agree with me... or at least find it amusing.
So what gets the honor of being bashed first? - - - - Smelly Dutch children. As most of you know, as a regular and honored guest of the sacred Abortion House
... I naturally hate children. So today, on the tram, a colored child (wait, can I say that?) sat next to me and wouldn't move over to an empty seat when one became available - like a true New Yorker would. Not only that, but he smelled. It is an unfortunately common odor I have come across since my move here. Is it the canals? Is it the homeless? No - it's Eurostench. (To a small handful of you who know, there's a good inside joke there) The English would say, "It mings!" and the Vietnamese would say something roughly like, "you smell like a pig half-dead in a swamp." Yes, they are 90% skinny, perfect bodies, perfect hair done by there coiffures, have great clothes, but they often* have BO problems and I'm sorry... let's get some deodorant.
Back to the child. Besides aforementioned flaws he was unresponsive to obvious physical signals of my discomfort and that I needed to get off the tram. So I was forced to do what any gay liberal-minded spoiled asian-american musician would do: I kicked him in the face with my $130 burgundy 2002 John Varvatos-Converse collaboration sneakers. Brown laces. It was pretty easy since he was so short, and you'd think that unsuspecting bystanders would have jumped in to help the child or god forbid punch my beautiful, well-tanned and pampered-by-Kiehls face. (Am I vain?... you betcha!) - But that is not very Dutch. The Dutch forgive and forget things instantly.**
THIS JUST IN - probably deserves it's own "Things I think are stupid" but things like this make me sick:
*this is mostly untrue
** this is also untrue, but it helps to support this here farce
So what gets the honor of being bashed first? - - - - Smelly Dutch children. As most of you know, as a regular and honored guest of the sacred Abortion House
MOMENT OF SILENCE
... I naturally hate children. So today, on the tram, a colored child (wait, can I say that?) sat next to me and wouldn't move over to an empty seat when one became available - like a true New Yorker would. Not only that, but he smelled. It is an unfortunately common odor I have come across since my move here. Is it the canals? Is it the homeless? No - it's Eurostench. (To a small handful of you who know, there's a good inside joke there) The English would say, "It mings!" and the Vietnamese would say something roughly like, "you smell like a pig half-dead in a swamp." Yes, they are 90% skinny, perfect bodies, perfect hair done by there coiffures, have great clothes, but they often* have BO problems and I'm sorry... let's get some deodorant.
Back to the child. Besides aforementioned flaws he was unresponsive to obvious physical signals of my discomfort and that I needed to get off the tram. So I was forced to do what any gay liberal-minded spoiled asian-american musician would do: I kicked him in the face with my $130 burgundy 2002 John Varvatos-Converse collaboration sneakers. Brown laces. It was pretty easy since he was so short, and you'd think that unsuspecting bystanders would have jumped in to help the child or god forbid punch my beautiful, well-tanned and pampered-by-Kiehls face. (Am I vain?... you betcha!) - But that is not very Dutch. The Dutch forgive and forget things instantly.**
THIS JUST IN - probably deserves it's own "Things I think are stupid" but things like this make me sick:
"You make me smile more each day, say proper sentences and aspire to be my best. I wanted to thank you for walking into my life. I can't wait to have you in my arms soon."
*this is mostly untrue
** this is also untrue, but it helps to support this here farce
posted by Brndn at 6:49 AM
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